It had been a long stressful day, Jason came home sick with a fever and went straight to bed. The boys seemed to be getting into and destroying everything they possibly could. I was tired. I was stressed. Did I mention I was super stressed? I put Micah to bed at 6:30 pm. I sent Elijah to my sister's for a fun sleep over. For the first time in....a really really long time-I was alone. I did not have little people needing me. Jason was asleep so he didn't need me. Gram was asleep so she didn't need me. I was alone...
So I got ice cream. Fudge brownie and cookie dough put together in one delicious mixture. And I ate it.
All.
So you know that whole coach thing...the challenge pack I have coming in the mail? Well, my logic was "I haven't started yet so one last hurrah."
Except it wasn't really that much of a hurrah.
I felt like I had a void to fill and there was nothing to fill it! Ice cream didn't help and neither did the multiple hallmark movies and face book browsing.
I felt even more empty except now I felt guilty too!
Then I was reminded that it is not the failure or the fall it is what we choose to do with it. Will we let it stop us in our tracks before we even truly start or will we get up and keep pressing forward?
I was musing over this when I crawled into bed sometime after 12:30am and I FINALLY decided to see if the Lord had anything for me (why do I always wait till last to turn to HIM?!?) and as I opened my "Streams in the Desert" a folded piece of paper fell out.
I opened it and whew-talk about a gentle rebuke! It was a quote a friend had said many many years ago:
"The closer we are to God the farther we are from sin. The closer we are to sin the farther we are from God."
Ouch.
Thoughts like these flashed through my mind:
Oh hey, Katy, ever since deciding to be a Beachbody coach and share your journey to a healthier lifestyle all you have been thinking about is you and God has not even been in the picture.
Why have you been stupid enough to yet again try to do all these life changes on your own without the Lord? You know how that always works out.
Gulp.
I had some forgiveness to be asking from the Lord that was for sure!
But then what?
I struggle so much in my addiction to food.
That is real life right now.
The problem is that so often I CHOOSE to struggle alone and believe the lies that there is no one out there that truly understands and God doesn't really care about my struggle with food!
But He does.
That is the truth.
Jesus WANTS to heal me from my addiction to turning to food for satisfaction. He says so!!
So why don't I turn to Him first? Why do I choose to listen to the lies that food and movies and TV will satisfy when all they do is leave me more empty?
I will be tackling that in my personal devotion time over the next few weeks. I recently did a post that tackled so many lies that I had believed for years and the scriptures that have been helping me believe the truth of Who God has made me to be.
I think I will be doing the same thing in regards to the lies I believe about food (it will satisfy me, it will help me not be so stressed or lonely or whatever emotion I am feeling at the moment).
So there you go. The real me falls and all.
I haven't even started this 21 day fix journey yet (still waiting for my challenge pack) but I just wanted to share some of the issues I have had since deciding to change my lifestyle.
The difference between now and so many other times in the past when I just gave up?
By God's grace-I am not going to quit before I even had a chance to start. My Jesus wants to set the captives free and I am so thankful that includes me!
So what about you? Do you turn to certain things when you are feeling stressed? Is it hard for you to get back up once you have fallen?
I just put a poll on the sidebar regarding new content on my blog and just want to see what you, my amazing readers, would like to see more of as I embark on this fitness journey so please let me know :)
