Things have been pretty sporadic on here for a few months. I got to the point where I was trying to do a million (OK, maybe not a million but if felt like that) things perfectly and realized that I was actually not doing any of them well.

Wife.
Mama.
Sister.
Friend.
Independent Mary Kay Beauty consultant.
Daughter.
Christian.
Housewife.
Stay at home Mom.
Blogger.

Ever stepped back in your lifetime and wondered who you are? I mean you know the different labels. You know what is expected of you and yet-you are still lost.

The past year I would say I have really struggled with who I am. I have wondered if really I am worth anything. I have wondered if this is the best life gets. I have been exhausted. I have been devastated beyond words in different life circumstances that have come my way.

I have laughed and I have cried. I have lived life in so many beautiful ways and I have wanted to curl up in a ball and die.

I have tried to be perfect and I have failed a zillion times over.

I have come to the absolute end of myself.

And when I was at that end I reached out to my Heavenly Father and He was there to comfort and sustain me. During this time (March 28, 2014)  He gave me this verse:

So lately I have been wanting to blog. Really! I look at all these amazing women on other blogs that I follow and I wish that I could be a Mom like them or a wife like them. To me their life seems absolutely perfect and I know all to well...

...my life is not perfect.

That is humbling.

So here I sit wanting to blog about the cloth diapers that I used, the completely natural 17 hour labor that I had, the amazing whole foods I have been making for my family, my clean house, the latest DIY project I have been doing, the latest devotional the Lord has laid on my heart and so many other things. Yet. I can't.

Real life of Katy here:

I wanted to use cloth diapers, even bought them. They are adorable and I love them. However, when little man was two weeks old we took a trip to NY and they got left behind. So, he has been in pampers for his entire 6 week life.

Now, there is a really neat alternative (completely chemical free and plant based disposables) that I will be using that I just found and LOVE (more on that later) but still-I wanted to do cloth.

I was so set on a natural home birth. I had it all planned out in my mind and was SO excited for it. Then-my blood pressure rose and I ended up in a hospital with a birth that EVERYTHING I did not want to happen-happened.

I felt HORRIBLE for having an epidural and really struggled with GUILT that I was not a good enough Mom for my son just because I could not handle the pain (my labor was induced).

The thing was though that once I got the epidural I was able to sleep for a few hours which I really needed for when I started to push (considering I had not eaten anything and had not really slept well the night before due to contractions) but still-I wanted a completely natural birth.

I want to be completely whole foods/organic when it comes to the foods that I am feeding my family. However, first of all it is quite expensive and second of all I am somewhat lazy at times when it comes to making meals. Quicker is so much easier and I hate that sometimes I sacrifice nutrition or even variety for something that is easier.

The neat thing is that while I am not quite where I would like to be I am a lot farther towards healthier living then I was a year ago but still-I want to be where I NEED to be...now.

I want to have a perfect house. Real life-it is hard for me to motivate myself and so it does not get cleaned the way it needs to. Actually right now it does not really count because we don't even have a house since we are in NY with family but still-I want to create a haven for my husband and son.

The neat thing is that soon we will be heading back to Florida and I will have the opportunity to work on being more motivated and creating a haven for my family in my little white house.

I want to do so many DIY projects! Thing is that I just don't have or don't MAKE the time.

I want to change that. I want to MAKE time for projects instead of just being in awe of them when I see them on pinterest.


I want to be able to share the latest thing that the Lord has been teaching me or write a devotional that He has laid on my heart. Truth to be told I can't because I have really been struggling with spending time with Him.

That is GOING to change. And it started last night when Jason and I sat and prayed over Elijah and asked the Lord to help us be parents that HE wanted us to be. It started when I asked the Lord's forgiveness for not MAKING HIM A PRIORITY and trying to live life...well, without Him.

One of my biggest vices is the time that I spend on the computer. It really is hard for me to not waste hours of my time on it. That was also something I repented of.

No. I am not perfect. In fact, I am far from it. But I want to be more like Jesus and right now that involves me taking the time to really re-prioritize my time starting with the time I spend on the computer.

I will still be around but-I will be much more careful to not let wanting my life to be like ____________________ but instead focus on the life that God has given me and living it first and foremost for HIS honor and glory and then investing it into my little family that He has blessed me with.

I am not perfect.

I am me and yet I am striving to be more like HIM. Because without Jesus Christ...life is really never truly able to be LIVED.

So many times life is about me. So many times all I think about is what I want in a situation. It needs to end. Jesus needs to be the center of my life once again instead of me trying to fit Him in my life where it is most convenient for me.

What about you? Do you ever struggle with feeling imperfect or with comparing yourself to those around you? Do you struggle with not having Jesus the center of your life? Have you talked to the Lord about it lately?

We had communion today for church and I sat in the back ,with my sweet little man cooing away, and I talked to the Lord about it. About making Him the center of my life once again. About spending more consistent time with Him in the Word and in prayer.

I re-surrendered.

And I continue to re-surrender...and I am pretty sure it will be an everyday thing. But you know what-that is ok. Because honestly that is real life for me right now...

I am re-visiting three posts from the year 2012 :) This post was origionally published on June 3, 2012. Enjoy!

(Source)

A long time ago (ok so less than two years ago because that is how long I have known him) I was just starting to get to know Jason. "Oddly enough" he had started spending a lot more time with us at church and Bible studies and just hanging out (ok don't judge me I was still in denial lol).

At the time we went as a group to clean a friend of our families house. They were returning from a year in the mission field and the people that had been renting their house had just up and left leaving a wreck at their house (literally it smelled so bad we were gagging the first time we went in).

We got to work but there were two places people did not want to touch. That was the two bathrooms. We truly thought that we were going to have to replace to toilets they were so beyond disgusting.

We worked the first evening and then continued to come back and work on the house over the next few days. The toilets had stilled not been cleaned and no one out of the group was going near them with a 10 foot pole! Then-one night Jason did something that made such an impression on me and spoke volumes about his character.

I remember distinctly working in the living room and glancing up to see him quietly scrubbing away at the worst toilet out of the two. He didn't make a big deal about it. He didn't draw attention to it. He just did it. He took the least desirable job that no one wanted and did something about it. Humbly. Quietly. Without a word of complaint.

I remember just standing there amazed. Watching him and realizing that I had seen just another thing that proved that he was a man of depth and character.

He scrubbed that toilet for a long LONG time and by the time it was done it looked brand new. Once it was done he just moved on to the next thing that needed to be done but that left such an impression.

Why do I bring this up again?

Well, last night I was laying in bed absolutely exhausted and unable to move. When all the sudden I blearily opened my eyes and there my husband was-cleaning the toilets. His sister came today and he was doing his best to help clean.

Now, you have to understand, that the bathroom is a chore I really do not like at all and so just seeing him sacrificially just serving and trying to make things easier on his very swollen, exhausted pregnant wife just reminded me again what depth of character my husband has.

He is such a prince. Truly, he was so worth waiting for! To think that God blessed me with such a godly man truly humbles me. I am so thankful!

Besides Jesus-Jason is the best thing that has ever happened to me.


Who would have thought that scrubbing toilets would be a reminder of how blessed I truly am? God is so good!

What little reminders has God placed in your life lately? I would love to hear about it :)

"I started this a few days ago and am now just publishing it! Better late then never ;)

I am sitting in the dining room with my sweet little boy sleeping in the swing. The dishwasher is chugging away. An early lunch I made for my love is sitting on the stove waiting to be put away.

It is peaceful in here.

I just realized how peaceful it was. In spite of some things.

It is not my dining room. My baby boy is not sleeping in his swing. It is not our dishwasher chugging away. It is not our stove that heated up my husbands lunch.

I have been struggling these past few weeks, well ok, months, with-contentment. We are truly believing that the Lord has us moving on to the next chapter of our lives and right now that means that we are having to wait.

I have been doing a lot of looking around at others and comparing what they have that I don't have.

Not really a good idea...

I am learning the importance of being content in the here and now. Not looking around at others but instead realizing the importance of just looking at Jesus.

Only Him.

I need to keep reminding myself of that. Look only to Jesus...and believe that He knows what is best for this time of waiting."

It is hard to believe that almost a year ago exactly my little guy was snug in my belly! No really he was!


And now he is here with us! He truly has changed our lives in the best way ever!


It is amazing the things that can happen in a year! 2013 is almost upon us so I decided that I would do a look back on 2012.

I am going to be reposting my three top posts from this last year within the next few days so stay  tuned! I hope you enjoy them!

This is Saturday and I have decided (in an effort to make blogging more regular around here) to make Saturdays the day that I share with you some of my favorite posts from fellow bloggers that have encouraged me or impacted me in some way.

So here we go:

I love my friend Callie from over at Through Clouded Glass! She is such an inspiration to me! One thing she has inspired me to want to try is a gender reveal party for whenever our next little one decides to come along! Check it out here: "Our Second Gender Reveal Party."

Through my sister Jen's friend Sarah I was able to meet September McCarthy from over at One September Day. What a blessing she is! And an inspiration! Truly she is one of those people I walked away from going: "Wow, someday when I 'grow up' I want to be like her." When I first checked out her blog her story really impacted me. Check it out here: "The Refiner's Fire-Our Story".

Ok, this is just a fun blog that I love but here it goes. I love the Duggar family! They are such an inspiration to me and I really enjoy their show! I recently found this blog with updates about them and videos and thought I would share it with you. Check it out: Duggar Family Blog.

This post from The Purposeful Wife on holiday cleaning actually really helped me! It has some great links to so cleaning schedules and is a great resource! Check it out here: "Your Holiday Cleaning Plan..."

Have fun reading! I will be on the look out this next week for some links to share with you all next Saturday!

What are some posts that have impacted you lately? I would love to hear about them!

Blessings!

(Source) I just love that picture don't you? It represents so many parts of my life right now! So many different aspects such as the different roles I have of wife and mama then to other things like my friends and family, the hobbies I enjoy, the new things I am learning and this blog. I am in a relatively new season of life!  August 28th is the day that Jason and I will have been married for a year and three months. It has been a year of insane changes!  Life has had its ups and downs. In the last few months I have had by precious baby and then we have been   transitioning from life in Florida to life in NY. Yes folks, it is official: we are moving back to NY permanently.  So why has this blog been so silent? I mean, seriously, there are so many things I could have been writing about! Well, that is where the crossroads comes into play.  For YEARS I blogged over at 110% Surrendered? and I absolutely LOVED IT! I was in my element. I blogged about life and God and boys and singleness and purity. I blogged often. I took pictures. I loved it! But then I had my sweet baby boy and all the sudden I was WAY out of my comfort zone! There are so many amazing Mommy blogs out there and I was like...how could I EVER measure up?  So I just...didn't really write.  I was at that crossroads and I thought about not even blogging anymore quite a few times. But then yesterday I blogged once again. And I remember how much I LOVE it. Then today I was thinking about it and realized that I can still write and even if I bless just one person it is totally worth it in every way! So I am going to be re-vamping my blog starting with a blog make-over ,so, if things look a little weird here it is because we are under construction! Also, I am going to start re-visiting some posts I have written in the past so stay tuned for those every week!  I have also placed a poll on the upper right hand side of this blog. Please vote and let me know what you, my dear reader, would like to see more of on a weekly basis. Also, I will be adding a list of posts from fellow bloggers that have really been an encouragement to me. This will be updated regularly so make sure to check it out frequently! I love hearing from my fellow bloggers. You are all such an encouragement to me! I am going to be making  more of an effort to reply to every comment I receive in an effort to be a blessing and to get to know my readers even better :)   So what are your thoughts? Any suggestions you have for me? I would love to hear them! And in the meantime-I am off to start work on these new changes :) Blessings!