A Look Back 2012: Real Life
1:04 PM
I am re-visiting three posts from the year 2012 :)
This post was origionally published on June 3,
2012. Enjoy!
...my life is not perfect.
That is humbling.
So here I sit wanting to blog about the cloth diapers that I used, the completely natural 17 hour labor that I had, the amazing whole foods I have been making for my family, my clean house, the latest DIY project I have been doing, the latest devotional the Lord has laid on my heart and so many other things. Yet. I can't.
Real life of Katy here:
I wanted to use cloth diapers, even bought them. They are adorable and I love them. However, when little man was two weeks old we took a trip to NY and they got left behind. So, he has been in pampers for his entire 6 week life.
Now, there is a really neat alternative (completely chemical free and plant based disposables) that I will be using that I just found and LOVE (more on that later) but still-I wanted to do cloth.
I was so set on a natural home birth. I had it all planned out in my mind and was SO excited for it. Then-my blood pressure rose and I ended up in a hospital with a birth that EVERYTHING I did not want to happen-happened.
I felt HORRIBLE for having an epidural and really struggled with GUILT that I was not a good enough Mom for my son just because I could not handle the pain (my labor was induced).
The thing was though that once I got the epidural I was able to sleep for a few hours which I really needed for when I started to push (considering I had not eaten anything and had not really slept well the night before due to contractions) but still-I wanted a completely natural birth.
I want to be completely whole foods/organic when it comes to the foods that I am feeding my family. However, first of all it is quite expensive and second of all I am somewhat lazy at times when it comes to making meals. Quicker is so much easier and I hate that sometimes I sacrifice nutrition or even variety for something that is easier.
The neat thing is that while I am not quite where I would like to be I am a lot farther towards healthier living then I was a year ago but still-I want to be where I NEED to be...now.
I want to have a perfect house. Real life-it is hard for me to motivate myself and so it does not get cleaned the way it needs to. Actually right now it does not really count because we don't even have a house since we are in NY with family but still-I want to create a haven for my husband and son.
The neat thing is that soon we will be heading back to Florida and I will have the opportunity to work on being more motivated and creating a haven for my family in my little white house.
I want to do so many DIY projects! Thing is that I just don't have or don't MAKE the time.
I want to change that. I want to MAKE time for projects instead of just being in awe of them when I see them on pinterest.
I want to be able to share the latest thing that the Lord has been teaching me or write a devotional that He has laid on my heart. Truth to be told I can't because I have really been struggling with spending time with Him.
That is GOING to change. And it started last night when Jason and I sat and prayed over Elijah and asked the Lord to help us be parents that HE wanted us to be. It started when I asked the Lord's forgiveness for not MAKING HIM A PRIORITY and trying to live life...well, without Him.
One of my biggest vices is the time that I spend on the computer. It really is hard for me to not waste hours of my time on it. That was also something I repented of.
No. I am not perfect. In fact, I am far from it. But I want to be more like Jesus and right now that involves me taking the time to really re-prioritize my time starting with the time I spend on the computer.
I will still be around but-I will be much more careful to not let wanting my life to be like ____________________ but instead focus on the life that God has given me and living it first and foremost for HIS honor and glory and then investing it into my little family that He has blessed me with.
I am not perfect.
I am me and yet I am striving to be more like HIM. Because without Jesus Christ...life is really never truly able to be LIVED.
So many times life is about me. So many times all I think about is what I want in a situation. It needs to end. Jesus needs to be the center of my life once again instead of me trying to fit Him in my life where it is most convenient for me.
What about you? Do you ever struggle with feeling imperfect or with comparing yourself to those around you? Do you struggle with not having Jesus the center of your life? Have you talked to the Lord about it lately?
We had communion today for church and I sat in the back ,with my sweet little man cooing away, and I talked to the Lord about it. About making Him the center of my life once again. About spending more consistent time with Him in the Word and in prayer.
I re-surrendered.
And I continue to re-surrender...and I am pretty sure it will be an everyday thing. But you know what-that is ok. Because honestly that is real life for me right now...
1 Thoughts
Katy, I always love your posts. I don't know what it is about them - it must be God - because I know you are not a 'trying to be a fancy writer' kind of blogger.
ReplyDeleteSurrender is such a constant; its importance is highlighted again to me all over the place as we're coming into a new year. Praise God for who He is - He is faithful in my wandering, and I'm so glad He always wants me... us :) back, and that He will keep walking this journey with us until we get there!
xo Rachael
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my blog :) I would love it if you would leave your thoughts! I will try to reply back with a comment as soon as I can so check back when you can especially if you have questions! :)
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