It is 7:35 am.

I should be in bed snuggling under my blankets. Am I? Nope.

So far I have rescued my husband, been to jail and got locked out of my car.

Did I mention it is 7:35? AM!?

Lets go back an hour.

6:35 am.

I have gotten Jason's lunch and am on day three of 16 hour shifts and think I may be losing my mind.

Case in point?

I lay down after Jason leaves and all the sudden I am thinking about the bread machine. More specifically the paddle in the bread machine that may or may not be actually attached to the machine.

I think it is. But what if it is not? Then we will get up for amazing bread and there will not be a fresh loaf it will be a nasty mess of dough. Ugh. Must get up.

It was fine.

Just as I go to snuggle back into bed I look at my phone and see two missed calls from Jason. I call him back and he informs me that he left his essential work belt on our dresser and I need to bring it to him asap.

My sister comes to be there when the kiddos wake up and I throw on some clothes and head out the door.

So here is the first explanation.

My husband works at a jail. Which is nice because it is easier on him then construction and he is able to witness to people almost everyday.

So when I went to go and take his essential work stuff to him I got to the big empty parking lot and managed to snag a space closest to where I would have to enter.

Went in and dropped his stuff off. Go to head to the car...

locked.

I cried. You see I just wanted to be in bed.

But no here I am locked out of my car at my husbands workplace and I get to go back in and explain to nice man behind the glass that I am locked out of my car and yes I am pregnant and blonde and teary and it is not even 7:30 am!!!!

In the end the policeman came and popped open the door and I was on my way to drop off books that would be overdue at the library.

It was then I looked in the mirror and saw that my mascara was smudged all under my one eye.

Me. The Mary Kay consultant. Looking like a racoon.

In the middle of the next volley of thoughts that started to race wildly through my brain I realized something had changed about me.



This insanely crazy and very embarrassing morning does not define me.

I would have used to allow it to define me. Beating myself up for being so stupid and what did people think and I am going to quite possibly strangle my husband for doing this to me-oh the list goes on.

But not this time.

Do you ever take a few steps back before you realize how many God has actually brought you forward?

I have been thinking a lot lately about the fact that God knew me before I was born. And not only that-HE formed me!

I am worth dying on that old rugged cross to Him.

So really...why do I let what people think define me when really-He and His definition of me is the only thing that really matters?

So that whole crazy hour of my life?

Instead of letting it ruin my day-it kind of made me day! Why? Well, because I realized how far God has brought me and there is such freedom in that!

SO what about you? Have you ever had one of those days that now you can look back and laugh about?

What has God been teaching you lately about who you are in Him? Do you have a favorite verse about Who you are in Him?

Have you ever taken a picture of yourself and then just sat and looked at it and wondered-who is that person? OK, that may sound a little weird but just bear with me!

I have struggled my whole life with who I am.

I was never the prettiest in school or the most athletic. I had horrible acne and glasses. To top it all off I really didn't know how to put on make-up so I always felt super self conscious.

I was not the greatest reader. I struggled with my schooling.

I am a klutz.

I am horrible at organization.

I really seriously thought that I was a joke that God decided to make just for the fun of it.

Then add getting married and two babies right after the other resulting in a post baby body that (in my mind) left MUCH to be desired I was pretty angry at God.

There. I admitted it-I was angry at God.

March 2014-I realize that for years I have been listening to so many lies and believing them and I pray and ask the Lord to show me who I am in Christ.

Wow.

As I dove into scripture I realized the TRUTH that has been in there all the time about who I was in Christ and what beauty there was in that!

So I thought I would share some of those truths for any of you that really made and continue to make a difference in my life:

Lie: I am unworthy.
Truth: Jeremiah 31:3-

The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying:
“Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.

Lie: I am a failure.
Truth: I am a work in progress! Phillipians 2:6-

being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ;

Lie: I am taken advantage of.
Truth: Jeremiah 29:11-13

 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.

Lie: I am alone.
Truth: Hebrews 13:5

 Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.”

Lie: I am useless.
Truth: Phillipians 2:13

 for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.

Lie: Fear is a part of life.
Truth: 2 Timothy 1:7; Joshua 1:9; Proverbs 29:25; Psalm 27:1

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.


Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

The fear of man brings a snare,
But whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe.

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?

Lie: I can never change.
Truth: Ezekial 34:27

Then the trees of the field shall yield their fruit, and the earth shall yield her increase. They shall be safe in their land; and they shall know that I am the Lord, when I have broken the bands of their yoke and delivered them from the hand of those who enslaved them.

Lie: God does not want to help me.
Truth: Psalm 118:5-9; 13-14; 17

I called on the Lord in distress;
The Lord answered me and set me in a broad place.
6 The Lord is on my side;
I will not fear.
What can man do to me?
7 The Lord is for me among those who help me;
Therefore I shall see my desire on those who hate me.
8 It is better to trust in the Lord
Than to put confidence in man.
9 It is better to trust in the Lord
Than to put confidence in princes.

You pushed me violently, that I might fall,
But the Lord helped me.
14 The Lord is my strength and song,
And He has become my salvation.

I shall not die, but live,
And declare the works of the Lord.

Lie: I am unholy.
Truth: 1 Peter 2:9-10

 But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light; who once were not a people but are now the people of God, who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy.

Lie: I am not cared for.
Truth: Jeremiah 31:3

The Lord has appeared of old to me, saying:
“Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love;
Therefore with lovingkindness I have drawn you.

Lie: I am given the short end of the stick.
Truth: Psalm 1

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So lately I have been wanting to blog. Really! I look at all these amazing women on other blogs that I follow and I wish that I could be a Mom like them or a wife like them. To me their life seems absolutely perfect and I know all to well...

...my life is not perfect.

That is humbling.

So here I sit wanting to blog about the cloth diapers that I used, the completely natural 17 hour labor that I had, the amazing whole foods I have been making for my family, my clean house, the latest DIY project I have been doing, the latest devotional the Lord has laid on my heart and so many other things. Yet. I can't.

Real life of Katy here:

I wanted to use cloth diapers, even bought them. They are adorable and I love them. However, when little man was two weeks old we took a trip to NY and they got left behind. So, he has been in pampers for his entire 6 week life.

Now, there is a really neat alternative (completely chemical free and plant based disposables)  that I will be using that I just found and LOVE (more on that later) but still-I wanted to do cloth.

I was so set on a natural home birth. I had it all planned out in my mind and was SO excited for it. Then-my blood pressure rose and I ended up in a hospital with a birth that EVERYTHING I did not want to happen-happened.

I felt HORRIBLE for having an epidural and really struggled with GUILT that I was not a good enough Mom for my son just because I could not handle the pain (my labor was induced).

The thing was though that once I got the epidural I was able to sleep for a few hours which I really needed for when I started to push (considering I had not eaten anything and had not really slept well the night before due to contractions) but still-I wanted a completely natural birth.

I want to be completely whole foods/organic when it comes to the foods that I am feeding my family. However, first of all it is quite expensive and second of all I am somewhat lazy at times when it comes to making meals. Quicker is so much easier and I hate that sometimes I sacrifice nutrition or even variety for something that is easier.

The neat thing is that while I am not quite where I would like to be I am a lot farther towards healthier living then I was a year ago but still-I want to be where I NEED to be...now.

I want to have a perfect house. Real life-it is hard for me to motivate myself and so it does not get cleaned the way it needs to. Actually right now it does not really count because we don't even have a house since we are in NY with family but still-I want to create a haven for my husband and son.

The neat thing is that soon we will be heading back to Florida and I will have the opportunity to work on being more motivated and creating a haven for my family in my little white house.

I want to do so many DIY projects! Thing is that I just don't have or don't MAKE the time.

I want to change that. I want to MAKE time for projects instead of just being in awe of them when I see them on pinterest.  


I want to be able to share the latest thing that the Lord has been teaching me or write a devotional that He has laid on my heart. Truth to be told I can't because I have really been struggling with spending time with Him.

That is GOING to change. And it started last night when Jason and I sat and prayed over Elijah and asked the Lord to help us be parents that HE wanted us to be. It started when I asked the Lord's forgiveness for not MAKING HIM A PRIORITY and trying to live life...well, without Him.

One of my biggest vices is the time that I spend on the computer. It really is hard for me to not waste hours of my time on it. That was also something I repented of.

No. I am not perfect. In fact, I am far from it. But I want to be more like Jesus and right now that involves me taking the time to really re-prioritize my time starting with the time I spend on the computer.

I will still be around but-I will be much more careful to not let wanting my life to be like ____________________ but instead focus on the life that God has given me and living it first and foremost for HIS honor and glory and then investing it into my little family that He has blessed me with.

I am not perfect.

I am me and yet I am striving to be more like HIM. Because without Jesus Christ...life is really never truly able to be LIVED.

So many times life is about me. So many times all I think about is what I want in a situation. It needs to end. Jesus needs to be the center of my life once again instead of me trying to fit Him in my life where it is most convenient for me.

What about you? Do you ever struggle with feeling imperfect or with comparing yourself to those around you? Do you struggle with not having Jesus the center of your life? Have you talked to the Lord about it lately?

We had communion today for church and I sat in the back ,with my sweet little man cooing away, and I talked to the Lord about it. About making Him the center of my life once again. About spending more consistent time with Him in the Word and in prayer.

I re-surrendered.

And I continue to re-surrender...and I am pretty sure it will be an everyday thing. But you know what-that is ok. Because honestly that is real life for me right now...

And I thought I had a baby bump...HAH! Excuse the messy hair please! :)

(taken by my amazing friend Darla)

(taken by my amazing friend Darla)

(Source)

Pondering this: How can I make much of my Savior in every part of my life today?

It is easy to think "I am not making a difference anyway I am just at home while Jason is at work." But that is not right. But it is how the subtle mindset I have had these last few weeks which in turn has resulted in wasting time and energy on things that do not matter.

"God created us to live with a single passion...: to joyfully display HIS supreme excellence in all the spheres of life. The wasted life is the life without this passion. God calls us to pray and think and dream and plan and work not to be made much of, but to make much of HIM in every part of our life." -John Piper

It is so so easy for me to waste time at home. When I do not have someone behind me pushing me or motivating me I tend to have a hard time actually doing what I need to do and not wasting time doing things that have no lasting value.

The last few days I have really been convicted on how easy it is for me to not accomplish what I know I need to at home and the Lord has been helping me. To-do lists are absolutely amazing and
have really helped me prioritize my day and yet-I still stumble. And then I think "Wow, If I can not get a handle on this now what about when Elijah gets here?"

I so desire to live for my Savior and to be the wife and Mama that God calls me to be in His Word. Sometimes it just is easy to wonder does it matter? I am not a nurse or a missionary or a lawyer. I am just a stay at home wife and mama-to-be. But can I bring glory to my Savior in that? Yes! I can! A friend told me about this song by Steven Curtis Chapman and wow did it speak to me! I included it below but I wanted to focus on the first verse and chorus (granted I am not quite there yet but I will be soon with the baby):

"you’re picking up toys on the living room floor
for the 15th time today
Matching up socks and sweeping up lost
Cheerios that got away
You put a baby on your hip and color on your lips
and head out the door
And while I may not know you I bet I know you
Wonder sometimes does it matter at all
We’ll let me remind you it all matters just as long as you
Do everything you do to the glory of the One who made you
Cause He made you to do
Every little thing that you do to bring a smile to His face
And tell the story of grace
With every move that you make
And every little thing you do"


Wow! I hope that encouraged you the way it encouraged me! What a reminder that WHATEVER we do it does matter as long as we are doing it for the right reason-bringing honor and glory to our Lord Jesus Christ!
Any thoughts on this stay at home wives and Mama's or anyone else for that matter? :)

You know those times in life when you are torn between two things. When it feels like your heart is in two places at once? When you love certain things about one place and yet you love certain other things about another?

Did I mention is is after 2am?

We have had a wonderful two weeks visiting family and friends here in NY. It has been so nice to be with people who know me completely inside and out. It is so much fun to laugh at things that we have been laughing about for years.  It has been so neat making memories.

Things like:

• playing euchre and realizing that I am totally random at it, yet amazing people that somehow I still win alot of the time! I think the best times is when I am super tired and somewhat not there! Because seriously...I love that game :)
• dinner with my Grandma and Grandpa Kelley. Familier food, smells, and house. They don't change and I LOVE IT.
• Going to the church that people have known me my entire life on Christmas day. Nothing has changed there either. I played hymns with my sister Abby. Sang a song with both my sisters. Laughed while feeling my face completely flush when my Dad used me as an illustration from the pulpit. It was the same. It didn't change and I loved it.
•  I was on the computor waiting for Jason and some friends to get done playing hearts and I started playing hearts on the computor. I was doing great! Getting all the hands and had the most points. I was telling Jason this as we were falling asleep later that night and he gently informed me the point of the game is to have the LEAST points. Ahem. Well, you know!
• Our amazing 2011 New Years Eve Party. What a neat thing it was to start off the New Year in the Word and in prayer as a group of young adults.
• Getting Matt and Sarah hooked on "Sue Thomas FBeye".
• My baby shower that my family (on Jason's side) put on.
• Having a girl day.
• A maternity photo shoot with another friend :)
• Playing with my nephews.
• Getting blessed with so many baby clothes from a friend.
• SNOW!
• Wood stoves.
• Christmas with my family...

Things just really have not changed here. They are familier and that, to me, is such a comfort. And yet...I am surprised at something.

I have changed.

Here are things I have to look forward to in my other home...Florida:

• Being with people that I have really grown to love over the past sixish months.
• Cooking for the boys that make up most of the Bible study.
• Having my own home and really striving (in the new year under conviction from the Lord) to make that my priority and to create a haven for my husband, family and then friends.
• Sewing on my sewing machine.
• Setting up my little man's room :)
• My sister Jen being there for a few months. I can hardly wait to have a girl around! Cooking, baking, learning things with her :)
• My parents coming for two weeks. I get to see them Saturday. Somehow that makes it easier to say good bye.
• My sister's Abby and Sarah coming in 13 short weeks for Elijah's arrival.
• Bradley classes :)
• Seeing my midwife again.
• Striving to be more natural and less processed in the way I cook. Learning new recipes and creating yummy meals for my husband to enjoy.
• Using my new bread machine (that I got at a yard sale with the booklet for $3).
• Working on getting a newsletter going so that people can know what we do here for a ministry.
• Changing the priorities in my life (kicking computor out of the number one spot).
• Growing closer to my Lord and Savior.
• Watching God provide in miraculous ways.
• This year is the year my Elijah will be born! I can hardly wait to meet him (he just kicked me hard I think he was agreeing).
• Watching the kids in our Bible study grow and mature in the Lord
• Doing projects as a group and reaching out beyond ourselves to show Christ to our neighborhood.

I am torn. Because Florida is becoming my home. And yet NY will always be home. I truly am amazed how blessed I am. To have two homes. To have people that love us so very much in two states.
We feel as though the Lord has truly called us to be missionaries to...Florida. I feel bad because I just have not really blogged a lot about what we are actually doing there! I am hoping to change that and to let you all in on what we do through pictures and stories of everyday life.

 Please pray for us! Ministry is definitely hard and there is definitely spiritual warfare in Florida. Please pray for the kids/young adults we are ministering to. Please pray that Jesus will be glorified and lifted up through us as a little family. Please pray that we will continue to reach our community and that there will be revival right there! Please pray for wisdom in running the snack shop, leading two Bible studies a week, game day on Saturdays as well as the people that we run into on a daily basis. Please pray for us as a family that we would keep our priorities straight and that when people would look at us they would see Jesus Christ in and through all that we do.



So we start out this year...some times feeling torn and yet so very blessed at the same time. Later today we are leaving my first home and traveling to our second. And although it is hard to leave...I am excited to go and do the work that we truly believe God has called us to. He is so faithful! God truly is good!